Even though I have been living in The Netherlands for more than 20 years, when I fly over the Alps to go back to Rome, my birthplace, I always feel emotional. It’s not only the beauty of these mountains that touches me, but it is also what they stand for: a natural frontier between North and South. Going southwards means that soon I will be reunited with my family and a state of euphoria takes over.

However, the feelings that I have while crossing the Alps heading back to The Netherlands are of another kind. To keep it short: I am disoriented. The joy of embracing my daughters and husband is enormous and so is the pleasure of walking again in my beautiful city of Haarlem. But sadness prevails and I find it unfair that after all these years it is still so painful to say goodbye to my mother, my brother, my city and my country.

But what I háve understood after all these years is that sadness is a natural condition when one is confronted with relocation. I have left my country and my beloved ones behind me, and the fact that it has been a free and conscious decision doesn’t make it any easier or any less painful.

At the end of the day accepting my confusional state and my aching is the beginning of a healing process. I am not crazy, it is normal to feel this way!

Then comes the realization of how fortunate I am to belong to two such different countries. And I can finally move on with my Dutch life and…plan my next visit to Rome!